Am I Deserving?

The love you think you deserve starts with you, No one can give you what you can’t give yourself.

Am I deserving? It’s a question I’ve whispered to myself more times than I care to admit.

Am I deserving?
Of love.
Of kindness.
Of something whole.
Of being seen, truly seen.
Of being loved, wholly not just on some days, everyday, every season..
Of success.
Of happiness, peace, joy?
Of being chosen, not just tolerated.

There’s something sobering about sitting with that question. It makes you dig deep into memories, into the silent moments that were endless, into parts of ourselves we learned to hide because they felt like we were being “too much” or “not enough.”

But this is what I’m learning;
The love you think you deserve starts with you..It starts with how you see yourself and how you treat your self. Not with others, not with how they hold you or forget to or how they treat or see you. Not with how they say your name, how they forget to say it in places that matter nor how they make promises and fail to deliver on those promises nor how they promise not to leave and still walk away. Not the careless, harmless comments they make about your insecurities that scar you for life.

It starts with you because no one else can give you what you can’t give yourself. If you don’t believe your voice matters you’ll be comfortable in silence, if you don’t believe your presence is enough and that you showing up matters you’ll keep shrinking, keep hiding in the shadows, never letting yourself shine. If you don’t see your heart as worthy, you’ll keep offering it to people who do not deserve it, people who only want pieces.

I’m also still on this journey, learning to give myself everything I expect from others, so yeah I'm still learning and unlearning, still trying, still reminding myself that I am not too much or too little. I am enough! I am me and that is my superpower!

To be deserving doesn’t mean to be perfect, it doesn’t mean always getting it right or having it all figured out. It simply means being human, being whole and beiang real. It means knowing what you want and deserve, and making the effort to be better and to make it known to others how you deserve to be treated. And the best way to do that is to treat yourself the right way! Love yourself to pieces literally!

Ultimately, whether someone feels deserving of something is also a matter of self-perception. It's about how they view their own actions, qualities and contributions.

Am I deserving?
Yes I am.
And so are you!

It's Monday again??? When does this end?

How have you been my love?