If you were to ask me if I know myself, my immediate response would be yes but if I wait a bit longer, if I ponder on it for another second my answer would be maybe.
Maybe on good days I do, on days when life is easy, when there's no stress as someone I know would say.. but on tough days? On days when it takes extra effort to get up from bed, to stop scrolling aimlessly on my phone just to distract myself from over thinking I'm not sure my answer will be yes. I have a love hate relationship with myself, I love myself on good days and hate myself on bad days, I tell everyone to to know yourself because (air quotes) knowing you is loving you but take a look at me I can't even practice what I preach.
Where do I start from? Forgive me if this seems to be all over the place but I just wanted to get it off my chest plus I got some inspiration and decided to pour my heart out.
Am I a Fraud?
This is the question I have been asking myself lately.
Maybe, maybe I care about what people think about me way too much (on most days) but then there are days I don't care at all ( it's giving multiple personalities) and yes maybe I let people's behaviour determine my mood but from now on I choose to do better! I choose to love me both on good days and bad days, I choose to not sit in convenience worrying about what people think but to step out and change my life.
It's easy to say you love someone and that you'll die for that person but what happens when you actually have to do it? Or when you're faced with a situation that might require you proving this "love" will you still stand by your words?
We humans are so comfortable with safety, safe love, safe jobs etc but safe limits you, safe causes you to become so comfortable with the bare minimum that you forget that you're capable of so much more. Change is needed sometimes but because we're so comfortable staying in the same spot, doing the same things we find it difficult to actually take the steps that might change our lives.
I don't really have much to say today, but I'm here to tell you that it's time to step out, you might have been gathering the courage but you haven't gone through with it, can I be the one to give you that final push? Allow yourself to change your life, you can do it, I'm rooting for you and I love you!
What is that new decision you've made recently or you're about to make?
Please let me know in the comments.
I've had this sitting in my draft for a while but wasn't so sure about it, I know I haven't sent anything in a while so please bear with me, I'll also give you a life update soon.
I've missed you! How have you been?
Change is a bittersweet feeling. It can be soul crushing at first, letting go, shedding parts of you but it gifts you a renewed identity.